Added: Ami Pickell - Date: 12.07.2021 06:37 - Views: 32577 - Clicks: 9053
You have to be willing to delete. Delete s, text messages, phone calls, traces of any kind. There can be no evidence a relationship between you existed. Finally you have to be willing to delete yourself. You have to go into your heart and brain and whatever other place in your body you store him and carve out the memories. You have to know your place and keep to it. Your place is not in the marital bed or the passenger seat of the family car. Your place is outside the family domain.
You will not sit in her chair. You have to know your purpose. You are something extra, supplementary, on the side. You are not supposed to throw the marriage into question or make demands he will not want to meet. You will never replace her, the mother of their child.
And the moment he thinks you might jeopardize what he has, he will cut you out. Remember to never fall into routine or become predictable. Dinner at 6; bed at You have to keep him off-balance, on edge. Remember the long married are like old socks—worn in, comfortable, but thin. They no longer keep him warm at night. You exist to turn up his thermostat. But be careful to not overheat him. Never talk about your troubles. They talk about the awfulness of their day, the petty irritations at work, who cut in front of them in traffic. Your life is trouble-free.
You are resilient, independent, tough, and most importantly uncomplaining—you do not need his assistance. Keep your petty cares to yourself—you know, the rude pharmacist, the erratic copier, the holes in the window screens. Affairs are about grand passion, not the minutia of an ordinary life. To stay in touch with your feelings, you need to carefully avoid knowing him too well or ever spending the night together. You made that mistake once, remember?
And you found out he fell asleep immediately after and promptly began to snore, a horrible puffing snore that would rise to a crescendo and then descend only to rise again. It was awful. All you could think of during the long hours until morning was never ever spending the night again. Learn what you need to do to get wet in a second, have your breasts rise to his command.
Please avoid the words decline , diminishment , flaccid. You like writing that is raw and funny, slightly abrasive; he likes a highly polished surface, all edges smoothed. You want to live simply, by the water; he wants to live in a grand house inland. You must learn to look away, master the turn of the head, the shoulder shrug. Overlook the paunch, the rounded back, the eyes that are beginning to go a little blurry. This thing that you are—the other woman, the affair—is easy, never awkward, never difficult, he reminds you and you must nod your head in agreement. Learn to laugh when he says that because of course it is true.
Marriage is difficult, remember that. Affairs must be giddy, the anti-marriage, like balloons lifting into the sky, not weighted and shackled. You will catch yourself comparing him unfavorably to your husband and this will be confusing. He will fumble. Look away. Who you slept with, who you loved, why things came to an end. Let me repeat this is a place you no longer visit. Agreeing to be his other will distress you: why are you stretched out on a bed underneath him if everything about him makes you miss and appreciate your husband, why are you there when being with him reaffirms your marital choice?
Nicely written. This article is ludicrous. I am the other women and that is how I like it. I am completely financially independent, can go where I want when I please. I never want to marry again 3 and am way too old to have children. We speak for hours at a time, text often. I am a strong feminist, the views above seem very 20th century. My view. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Short Story. How to Be the Other Woman. Marcia Aldrich.
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Dear Therapist: I Was the Other Woman