Advice for man going through divorce

Added: Natesha Viverette - Date: 26.09.2021 19:57 - Views: 46504 - Clicks: 9368

You may be proud and hard-headed, or you may be lost and totally open to taking direction in all forms at this point. Divorce will mess you up in ways you never imagined and at times when you least expect it. You want to lash out. You want to just hide from everyone. It may only be 9 am, but Netflix and chill is your only goal for the day. This is especially problematic if you have a 10 am meeting on a Tuesday with your boss or an important client.

Another way to look at it is that trying to cope all the time with such a traumatic event is not healthy. Accept your personal reality, even if that means you might go off the rails a bit from time to time. At least for now. Therapy, self-help books, online columns and advice from everyone under the sun is all well and good, but when it ventures into places that put you feeling a certain way by a certain time, your best bet is to put in your earbuds, crank up your favorite playlist and wait for all that bad advice to float gently down river. Some of those thoughts may be very dark at times.

You are you. And you are unique. Depending on the situation, some guys will move through their emotions fairly fast. Other guys will get hung up at certain key parts, like when you talk to your spouse after not hearing from her for a couple of weeks, or when you actually file paperwork, or when you actually get paperwork.

Seemingly stupid things can trigger emotions too. You may try to bury those feelings or others may tell you to just slough it off. You may be relieved or you may be totally upset about the prospect and the process. Easier said than done. I know. So shift your focus. And there is no better way to do that than to focus on your children if you have them. It applies to your children no matter what age they are. A year-old teenager or even a 20 year-old-sophomore in college still needs to hash out their feelings and get reassurances from you. You may be tempted to let your frustrations and anger bubble over into any conversation you have with your children.

This is your personal hell, not theirs. You think you have a hard time coping? Spend time with them. Just being there is the most valuable gift you can give. Otherwise, try to maintain a sense of normalcy without crossing the lines you have set for yourself. The other thing about kids is that they can be brutally honest. Things you may not have wanted to hear from your spouse, you may hear from your kids.

Other people will be sad and angry over your break-up. Your male friends will try to carry on as if nothing has changed, and you need a certain amount of that. But some will tell you what you did wrong, over and over. At some point, that damages your ability to cope instead of helping your ability to heal. Also, know when to spot constructive criticism and when to recognize destructive criticism.

You are reforming your relationships and making relationships under a new identity, so you need to be patient with yourself and with your circle of friends and family. Reaching out can be tougher for some. Other guys torture themselves a lot more than they have to before connecting with other like-minded men who can help them. This may sound funny, but one of the great things about divorce is that there are so many of them. While nobody wishes divorce on anyone else, unless there are ulterior motives, because so many men are getting divorced, there is a full continuum of men in the various stages of the divorce pipeline.

Others have kids or similar amounts of financial assets and concerns. And others are veterans of the whole process and can take a more detached view and offer advice based on their experiences from start to finish. You may seek out advice from friends. A therapist is also a great place for advice and to download your problems. And an even better feeling is when you can counsel and listen to someone who may not be as far along in the process as you.

Helping them is a form of helping you. You know about the stages of grief that you go through during a loss, such as when someone dies. You experience many of those same feelings with the death of your marriage. That ambushed feeling is among the worst of all the feelings you will have to cope with. Even though things may not have been perfect in your marriage, you may couple your feelings of anger with feelings of shame, betrayal or defiance. Nobody knows for sure how long that will be. You may be telling yourself a lie.

You may not. Gradually, expect all that negative energy to be replaced by a form of acceptance. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but you will get there at some point. Acceptance happens when you have bottomed out and you are starting to rebuild your new life.

Your relationships have been redefined. You have a new normal. Your life falls into more of a routine. Awkward at first, but time helps the process. You just need to string together as many days as possible where nothing dramatic happens. When you have achieved a certain level of acceptance, you can truly start moving forward with positive actions in your life.

The good news is that men are more about action than they are about talking things out and dealing with their feelings. To men, taking action is a form of dealing with feelings. Short-term, you can focus on the small day-to-day stuff like improving your diet, getting plenty of exercise and connecting with friends.

Pursue a new hobby, a group, volunteer. Decide if you are really happy with your current job or career. If not, now may be the time for a reinvention. Anger, acceptance and action do not happen in separate vacuums. They will overlap and you may not even be aware simply because you are more engaged and happier than you were a week, a month or a year ago.

You may be tempted to jump right back into another relationship to help fill the void left by your divorce. You need to establish a new normal for yourself before you can do so with another person. That takes time. You are probably also going to still be setting up boundaries between you and your ex-wife. That will not happen without a few rough spots. You may be able to devote the energy required to end one relationship and carry on a new one. You need to take stock of your emotional, physical and social health.

When you get caught in an endless cycle and hopelessness, when bargaining for a different outcome has failed, you could be headed for a fall. When you combine depression with alcohol or drugs to cope, you are flat out messing with the devil. And worst-case scenario, it could kill you. No fooling. Get therapy. Having someone to talk to and provide you with the emotional support you need is absolutely essential. Consider online therapy sites like BetterHelp. Believe it or not, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a thing for men in divorce. Even when a divorce is not especially contentious, there may be a lot of underlying stress associated with it and that may manifest themselves much later down the road, both physically and psychologically.

In fact, a contested divorce is ranked on the Holmes-Rahe scale as the second most stressful life event. Plus 5 Tips for Dealing with Stress. The symptoms may be similar to depression or may reveal themselves a bit differently. Bret is a journalist with a passion for writing about all things divorce. His areas of expertise include real estate, insurance, and government programs, just to name a few. In the process of ending a long-term marriage, Bret brings a first-person perspective to the trials and tribulations of divorce, co-parenting, and relaunching.

Survive Divorce is reader-supported. Some links may be from our sponsors. Trying to tell a guy how to cope with divorce is a daunting task. Because, no surprise, men can be reticent and complicated at times, too. You decide. If not, then move on.

No matter where you are in the process, know this. It gets better. With time, it gets better. Until you reach that place, here are some other things that may help you. Soooooo……not coping sometimes is normal. It sucks, but it is normal.

Be sure to take care of your mental health during this stressful time. Check out BetterHelp here. Attend soccer games. Meet for lunch. Take them to a movie. But above all else, be cool. Tough love works both ways. Listen and learn. Here comes the judge. No rebounds. No rings. How does it apply to you and coping in a divorce? Depression is more than just a mental funk, it can manifest itself physically as well. Decreased interest or pleasure in formerly enjoyed activities. ificant changes in eating habits i. ificant changes in sleeping patterns i.

Fatigue or loss of energy most days. Difficulty concentrating or making decisions. In severe cases, psychomotor agitation purposeless, repetitive motions such as wringing hands, tapping of the foot, pacing the room, etc.

Also in severe cases, suicidal thoughts.

Advice for man going through divorce

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How to Cope with Divorce as a Man